Five for Silver
by Demus
Summary: Remus reflects on how much his life is worth after Sirius betrays him to Snape. Rated for considered suicide.


Angsty one-shot set after Sirius betrays Remus to Snape. I know, it's all been done before, but please bear with me. This is sort of linked to 'One for Sorrow' for those who've read that story.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter. Alas for me.

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Five for Silver  
  
Twisting, tumbling, glinting, shimmering, deadly.  
  
Remus caught the silver-bladed knife and sent it hissing back into the air, wincing as the metal burned his silver-sensitive skin. He had been flipping and catching the weapon for nearly an hour as he sat on the balcony of the tallest tower in Hogwarts. His slender pale scholar's hands were covered in cracking red marks, some of which were already staining his skin and his robes with blood.  
  
He could barely feel it. His mind was more than a thousand miles away- he was lost in a world of spinning silver death, lit by the light of the moon, full of the pain of a silver betrayal.  
  
flashback  
  
Remus was awake, but his eyes were closed. He could smell the stinging strong smell of antiseptic and bleach that meant he was in the hospital wing the day after his change. The wolf lay quietly exhausted in the back of his mind. It seemed somehow more sated than usual......Remus ignored it.  
  
He could also smell the unmistakable scent of the four Marauders. Peter, who was nervousness and sweat, and a faint tang of _rodent-prey_. James, who smelt of confidence tinged with arrogance, broomstick polish and a hint of musky stag scent. James smelt of summer- life and song and laughter. And Sirius. Sirius who smelt of daring and delight. Sirius who smelt of waggy- tailed romps and canine laughter. Sirius who smelt of adventures and trickery.  
  
Remus opened his eyes and smiled tiredly at his friends. "Hi guys."  
  
The other three Marauders grinned back at him, echoing his greeting. Remus frowned. Something was wrong. There was uneasiness that lay behind those smiles. Sirius was avoiding his eyes. The black-haired boy's eyes were red and swollen. He looked like a frightened rabbit- ready to run at any mintue. And now he was becoming more alert, he could sense the fear in his friends- a fear of...him? Had something bad happened last night?  
  
"What's wrong guys?" the tawny-eyed boy asked, looking from one familiar face to the next. "Did something happen last night?" His eyes grew suddenly wide with fear. "Did I hurt someone?"  
  
James glanced at the others. Sirius let out a sob and ran forwards. He wrapped his arms around Remus and cried "I'm so sorry!" Then he was gone, running as fast as he could out of the hospital wing and away.  
  
Frantic, Remus looked helplessly at James. "What? What is it? God, James, what did I do?"  
  
James cleared his throat and stepped forwards. "Remus, there's something we have to tell you."  
  
end flashback  
  
Remus felt the hot burn of tears sting his eyes at the memory. Sirius had betrayed him. Sirius. His best friend had broken the most sacred promise of all- the promise of trust and protection. He had told Snape- he had told a Slytherin- Remus' darkest and most painful secret. How could he?  
  
Remus caught the knife again and looked at it thoughtfully. What was the point going on now? Snape would tell the world. Remus would taken away and locked up in a dark cell, chained to prevent the beast within him wreaking havoc in the world. He would be branded a monster, a demon and he would never see those he loved again. It was over.  
  
He twisted the blade, watching the light patterns that formed on its surface. He put the razor-sharp blade to the skin of his arm and hissed as it formed another burning wound. He turned his arm over and traced the paths of the veins in his wrists with the tip of the knife; not hard enough to pierce the skin, but enough to see fiery red trails of agony marked out on the pale skin. 'Should I?' he wondered. 'Should I end it here?'  
  
He sat for a long time, staring at his arm and the knife blade. Then suddenly, he flung his arm out in a violent arc and released the silver knife, watching it glint as it descended and hit the ground. No. He wouldn't give up. James and Peter and Dumbledore would never let anything happen to him. Unlike Sirius. He could never trust the raven-haired boy again.  
  
He stood and turned striding back into the tower and carefully picking his way down the stairs as silent tears flowed down his cheeks. His friendship with Sirius Black was over.

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Please R&R! I don't there will be a second chapter to this, but enough reviews may persuade me to write a sequel.........


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